


P Is For Pranks

by SK_Kasai



Series: The A-Z of One Lucifer Morningstar [16]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan is a Douche, Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Lucifer is having none of it, Post-Season/Series 04, Protective Lucifer, Step-Satan, pretty ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai
Summary: Maybe they should just tell Dan the truth about Lucifer being the devil. Would that make things better?“Absolutely not!” Lucifer exclaimed when she suggested it to him one night while they were curled up together out on the balcony, watching the stars, “Besides, I have a better idea.”His “better idea” was to prank Dan no less than ten times a week.His pranks ranged from somehow breaking into Dan’s apartment and swapping out his entire wardrobe with undersized pink tank tops and booty shorts to filling his car with a lot of cats (and Dan was allergic so…).At some point, Maze got in on the prank fest (after she finished threatening to disembowel Dan and tear him apart for making her favourite little human cry).That was around the time things got out of hand.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Dan Espinoza & Lucifer Morningstar, Dan Espinoza & Trixie Espinoza, Trixie Espinoza & Lucifer Morningstar
Series: The A-Z of One Lucifer Morningstar [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654774
Comments: 39
Kudos: 376





	P Is For Pranks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, fellow cooped up, Lucifans! How are you doing?
> 
> So, this one is mostly fluff/humour. Even the one I'm posting in a few days, "Q Is For Queen of Hell" is going to end up mostly fluffy because I almost feel bad for how angsty my the posted chapters of my season 5 au are XD
> 
> Credit for this prompt goes to frckica and Jexxer.

Honestly, she should have seen it coming when Trixie replaced one of her boyfriend’s many, many hair products with one that made his hair turn neon pink.

By the time Lucifer had finished showering for what felt like the tenth time, he’d already come up with several plans to avenge himself.

It was all good and well, really. She should’ve been happy that her devil and her daughter spent so much time together, but this was _Lucifer_ we were talking about. Of course he would turn a simple April’s Fools prank into an extreme prank war that had been going on for weeks.

It had started with the simple stuff. That alone made Chloe incredibly grateful to have set some ground rules (Basic stuff like: “No interdimensional travel”).

Lucifer put a fake tarantula in the shower one Sunday morning. She couldn’t remember seeing her daughter run that fast in her life.

Trixie retaliated by using his face as a canvas the next time he was so tired that he simply dosed off on the couch after they got back from solving a very tiresome case. It had taken Lucifer hours to wash it all off.

Lucifer sneakily replaced the stuffing in all of Trixie’s Oreo packs with toothpaste.

Trixie hid away all of the suits he left in their house, forcing him to wander around in sweatpants and a T-shirt that had once belonged to Dan until he could get back to the Penthouse.

They were all silly, harmless pranks. Sometimes, they were really annoying, but all in all, it wasn’t that bad. Her two favourite people were laughing and having fun together, eagerly planning their next prank and “competing” to see who would win. Lucifer was just an immortal stuck with a six-year-old’s maturity and her daughter was ten. It was almost oddly adorable.

Dan disagreed with her.

He couldn’t stand Lucifer. Ever since Lucifer's return from his latest excrusion to hell, Dan seemed to seethe at the sight of her partner. Lucifer had been handling it all with grace and flippant Luciferian cluelessness after she explained that trying to prank Dan again in an attempt to restablish their previous dynamic would be a very bad idea. Somehow, that made her ex-husband even angrier.

She could tell that Dan’s scathing remarks had a deeper effect on Lucifer than he boyfriend cared to admit. Honestly, some of the stuff Dan came up with had her dragging him away by the forearm for a much-deserved telling off. Lucifer didn’tn deserve to be talked to like that. _No one_ did.

Chloe kept waiting for Lucifer to lose his patience.

She waited for him to openly insult the other man instead of just deflecting. She waited for him to punch Dan or at least come up with some elaborate vengeance plan.

Lucifer never did.

Lucifer didn’t seem all that interested in retaliating until one Friday night when Dan was late at picking up Trixie from school.

Again.

Trixie, who had been beyond saddened by the episode, tearfully called Lucifer to come pick her up after hours of waiting alone. 

He’d been sitting next to Chloe making elaborate aeroplanes with designs colored by whatever pens and markers he could find strewn about her desk when he got the call. She’s seen his eyes flash red while his hands curled into fists, almost smashing his phone in the process. Chloe wondered why her daughter had called Lucifer instead of her, but she didn’t give it much thought. If anything, she adored the sacred bond between her two miscreants.

She just wished that Dan’s careless actions didn’t have such a profound effect on her little monkey’s life.

It had been so long since Trixie cried because Dan was late to something important to her (the most memorable incident being that one time he’d skipped his daughter’s sixth birthday party because he had to “follow a lead”. It was one of the times that seriously pointed Chloe in the direction of seperation and then divorce).

He had been steadily improving just the tiniest bit until Charlotte...

Later that day, when she came back home, she found them curled up on the couch with _Frozen_ of all things playing on the television. Trixie was fast asleep, half on top of Lucifer, drooling on his purple waistcoat with one of her tiny hands fisted in it as well. Lucifer didn’t seem to notice much less mind. One of his hands was dutifully rubbing her daughter’s back in comforting circles while the other was tapping a muted melody on the floor. He was lost in thought, staring at the ceiling. 

Chloe sighed.

It was endearing really, to see how much he cared. He’d always cared. Any time Dan had let down Trixie before, her partner had allowed the little girl to cling on to him for just a little longer or he’d went and gotten her some expensive toy or at least ice cream or chocolate cake. Now that he was a bit more used to hugs and signs of affection, he seemed to take his comofrting ritual to a whole new level.

He’d told her why too. A thousand times.

_“I don’t like absentee fathers, Detective.”_

_“The spawn doesn’t deserve this sort of careless treatment!”_

_“It isn’t fair, Detective.”_

She was glad that her daughter had such a fierce protector. Usually, she just kissed him and cuddled him, wishing that she could take his pain away. Was wanting him to realize that anything he applied to Trixie could be applied to him too much to ask for?

_“I don’t understand, Detective.” He frowned, head tilted and brow creased, “My situation and the urchin’s are nothing alike.”_

She just settled on the arm of the couch by her devil’s head, leaning down to press a light kiss to his lips. Lucifer reciprocated eagerly.

“She cried herself to an exhausted slumber.” He growled, “I am going to tear Daniel apart limb from limb.”

Chloe sighed again. She threaded her fingers through her boyfriend’s hair, watching some of the tension leave his body. With her this close and with a few touches of gentle love, she hoped that he would calm down a little bit. He’d had no idea just how bad things were between Dan and Trixie a few years ago. Her poor daughter had cried herself to sleep more times than any child should because of Dan’s actions at some point.

Lucifer closed his eyes and leaned into the contact, grateful. He didn’t move, not wanting to wake the little girl up.

“It isn’t fair.”

“I know, babe.” Chloe shook her head, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I know.”

Trixie slept on.

“How about I make some Mac and Cheese for dinner?”

“That is the urchin’s favourite.” Lucifer nodded his acceptance, “We detoured to get chocolate cake on the way here.” He confessed, “I believe there might be some left in the fridge. We even saved you a slice, Detective.”

Ah. 

The two of them were on the road to a sugar coma. Sweet.

“She is so miserable that not even fulfilling her bloody obsession with _chocolate cake_ made it better, Detective. How is that even possible?”

He of all people ought to know the effect a horrible father had on one’s life. She supposed that he didn’t know that the healthy of dealing with that sort of thing included _actually_ dealing with it. Booze and drugs couldn’t fix everything and neither could chocolate cake.

It went a bit better from there all the way to Saturday noon. Dan hadn’t picked up any of her calls, which was fine by her because Trixie wanted to stay here with Lucifer instead of going to Dan’s. Lucifer, who she wanted to just hug the stuffing out of, had been catering to her daughter ever since he picked her up the previous day.

He’d allowed the little girl to torture him with Disney movies, read her her customary bed time story when she declared that she “wanted Lucifer to do it tonight instead of you, mommy, please”, and made her chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. He’d even allowed her to prank him twice in a row, dialling up his exasperation and mortification to get to giggle more.

He’d been sprawled on the carpet in front of the fire place, whining about how he couldn’t get Trixie’s glitter out of his suit after she'd dropped a huge bucket of it on his head that morning when Dan all but barged in. He took one look at the two of them, drawing and colouring on the floor, and he looked like he was just about ready to murder someone.

“What’s he doing here?” Dan fumed.

“He’s my boyfriend and this is our house.” Chloe crossed her arms, “And he’s doing everything that you’re supposed to be doing and then some more, Dan.”

Lucifer got up, taking Trixie with him. He’d always been particular about them fighting in front of her. Chloe wasn’t sure where he’d picked that up form, but it wasn’t like he was wrong.

She felt bad.

“Hey! Where are you going?”

“I’ve told you a thousand times, Daniel, no fighting in front of the urchin.” Lucifer growled. Trixie was pressed to his side, her hand scratching at a particularly large cluster of glitter on his dress shirt. It hurt to see someone who was usually outgoing and bubbly so subdued.

“What is how I raise my daughter to someone like you?”

“You seem like you’re determined to break your douche-meter with a new score any time I see you, Daniel.” Lucifer shook his head, “Did you miss me all that much when I was… away?”

“Stop it!”

“Stop what, Daniel?” Lucifer rolled his eyes, “Why can’t you stop mistreating your daughter? It’s downright repulsive. She does not deserve any of that!”

“You can’t just translate whatever daddy issues you have into my relationship with my daughter!” Dan thundered, “Not everyone is as messed up and pathetic as you are!”

Lucifer just turned away, not wanting to accelerate things which was _very_ uncharacteristic. Chloe could almost see him physically regretting his constant advocation for the “No fighting in front of the child” rule. She couldn’t blame him. Dan was… He was just getting worse and worse. She might have to restrain herself.

Lucifer didn’t deserve any of this either.

“Dan, you are way out of line.” She growled.

“I just want to take Trixie over to my place to have our weekend together.” Dan explained, not taking his eyes off Lucifer, “He had to go and ruin it by being here.”

“No, you had to go and ruin it by not picking Trixie up on time yesterday and then not showing up all night.”

“Chloe, if you would just listen...”

Chloe wasn’t particulary proud of it, but they must have went at it for no less than an hour. Some time at the very start, Lucifer took Trixie’s hand in his own and they made their way out.

_-Sorry, Detective, more chocolate cake seemed to be in order. (10:28 a.m)_

_-We ended up the beach. Our beach. Are you and the douche still… arguing? Are you certain I can’t just put the fear of the devil in him and get it over with? (10:57 a.m)_

_-Detective, you offspring roped me into something called “building sandcastles”. (11:12 a.m)_

__Oh, it isn’t as bad as I thought.(11:20 a.m)_

__Detective, help. I think I might be actually enjoying this.(11:29 a.m)_

__I highly doubt my Burberry is going to make a recovery from this though. (11:29 a.m)_

__Oh well..._

What could she possibly do with him?

He took her daughter out for chocolate cake and then out to the beach because he didn’t want her to see her parents fighting. Lucifer was the sweetest person she’d ever met. Emotions weren’t his strong fort, but he wasn’t _emotionless_ either.

She grabbed her keys and changed quickly, deciding to drive out and meet them at the beach. Chloe was feeling a bit guilty. She wasn’t sure when everything had gotten this bad between her and Dan again. This was as bad as the few weeks leading up to their separation, if not worse.

This time, it seemed that both of Trixie and Lucifer were getting the burnt of it.

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

“Lucifer!”

She dragged him by the elbow to an empty conference room, slamming the door shut behind them.

“What the hell?”

“Sir Douche is irritating, but hell is actually much worse, Detective.”

She inspected his split lip, probably more worried than she should be.

“It’s nothing, Detective.” He shrugged, “Honestly, he just surprised me a bit. A lucky hit at best.”

Right. Because you got a “lucky hit” by making fun of people’s trauma and issues. Sure. 

_"Just because your dad thought you were worthless and tossed you out doesn't mean that you get to torture all fathers in existence!"_

She didn’t think that she was going to get Lucifer’s shocked and hurt face out of her mind any time soon.

“Besides, I am almost certain that I broke his arm.” Lucifer grinned, wincing when his injury became worse, dripping blood down his chin.

“Lucifer!” She chastised. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to do worse to her ex-husband, but he was still Trixie’s father. Violence wasn’t the best option. Especially not now.

“It was accidental!” Lucifer protested, “He started it too! Did you see the urchin’s face when he just told her that he wasn’t coming to her silly school play? He’s lucky I only broke his arm!”

“Lucifer...” Chloe sighed, hugging him, “You can’t just… Please don’t do this any time he acts like that, okay?”

“How can you even stand the sight of him?”

“Lucifer...” She sighed again, framing her face with her trembling fingers and wiping some off the blood off his chin with her thumb, “Violence isn’t the answer, babe, okay?”

Lucifer didn’t even answer because that was when Trixie barged in. She’d gone to grab herself and Lucifer some snacks from the vending machine after Lucifer handed her some money. Hence, she hadn’t seen the altercation between her father and her soon-to-be-step-father.“Did you get our snacks?” Lucifer asked, groaning when he managed to agitate his split lip even more. Too bad the cut was almost at the middle of his bottom lip.

“They said you got hurt!”

She fussed over him with her daughter, her chest aching at the confusion marring his features.

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

It seemed that Lucifer somehow agreed with her.

No other physical fights were issued between him and Dan.

There was about a week of relativistic peace, where even Dan himself wasn’t up to being much of a Douche. Chloe reasoned that his fractured arm had something to do with it (especially when Lucifer’s lip healed after he spent a few hours managing business at LUX without her).

Maybe they should just tell Dan the truth about Lucifer being the devil. Would that make things better?

“Absolutely not!” Lucifer exclaimed when she suggested it to him one night while they were curled up together out on the balcony, watching the stars, “Besides, I have a better idea.”

His “better idea” was to prank Dan no less than ten times a week.

His pranks ranged from somehow breaking into Dan’s apartment and swapping out his entire wardrobe with undersized pink tank tops and booty shorts to filling his car with a _lot_ of cats (and Dan was allergic so…).

At some point, Maze got in on the prank fest (after she finished threatening to disembowel Dan and tear him apart for making her favourite little human cry).

That was around the time things got out of hand.

It wasn’t even like the times Dan and Lucifer would engage in a full-blown prank war. It wasn’t like Lucifer and Trixie’s prank wars either.

It was… Well, it was more of a _war_. Dan didn’t even know what hit him. He didn’t have the time or the chance to retaliate.

Chloe might have sort of, _kind of_ … let it slide.

The pranks were mostly harmless after she sat both of the hell dwellers for a long talk. They made people laugh for the most part. Trixie seemed to be doing better. Even Dan seemed to be a bit better tempered than before after a long time.

Was he realizing the error of his ways?

Granted, the first two weeks were rough. He’d ended up chasing Lucifer with one of his dog-poop-filled shoes on one remarkable occasion. He’d demanded that Lucifer be banished from the house. He’d even tried to demand that Lucifer be prohibited from seeing Trixie all together. (Lucifer and Trixie had made another trip to the beach while she had that incredibly heated discussion with her ex-husband)

Justice had to be served.

Douches had to suffer.

The prank war went on.

**Author's Note:**

> So, second chapter...? This was mostly meant to be _really _silly rather than something with actual plot, but why not.__
> 
> __Feel free to suggest any prompts you want from the letter "S" and onwards. Thanks to everyone who already did. I have so many amazing prompts that I'm seriously considering doing a part 2 to this series... It's so hard to decide what to use! For example, I have a "P Is For Presents" that is mostly written and I wanted to write a "P Is For Possessive" for this letter alone._ _
> 
> __Have a marvellous day!_ _


End file.
